Monday, June 13, 2011

Reality > Dreams

Pinch me.

Wake me.

Can this be real?

My real life has exceeded my own dreams. As a young girl, I hoped to be married one day. I thought I might have children. I planned on having a j-o-b. And today, I sit here with more than all those ideas.

A fun and exciting husband.

Two beautiful boys.

And now, the home of our dreams. Yes, OUR. Because we made a list you know. We both had ideas of our dream home. They seemed to clash. How could we find one home that has all of these things. Near impossible? No!

So the move is done. The wine is chilled. We still on our big red couch surrounded by the green of the grass and leaves. Not another home to be seen. Lightening bugs sparking in the darkness. Children nestled in their own beds. Not afraid but excited and thrilled with their room.

Love in the air. For my husband. My children. and for the adventures we will have in our forever home.

The home with the view. The glorious view!

On 3 acres. In a subdivision with a pool. With room for a wine cellar. A music studio. With a wood stove. With built in book cases. Large closets. Three pantries. A laundry room. A cellar. With lights! and bushels and bushels of hydrangeas. For flower arrangements.

Yes. Reality is greater than the dreams.

Peace at last.

~ Living the dream mama

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Groceries and pee

After picking up the boys from school, I ran to the grocery store.

Because I am in fear of the boys peeing in their pants, I keep a spare potty in my car so that they can pee if they can't hold it before we get home.

We got through the shopping trip with minor scratches and only a few angry faces from fellow shoppers - I let the boys push the high speeds...through the store. They are short. They cannot see over the top of the cart. Scary and Funny at the same time.

We were almost home.

Nathan: "I gotta pee!"

Jamie: "Me too! I gotta pee!"

I ask them if they can hold it.

Nathan whimpers: Nooo.

I pull over to a shopping center and let each one out to pee. and pee. and pee. and pee.

Finally we are back in our seats and headed home.

As I make a sharp turn, I actually think - Oh no! The groceries and THE PEE! I can actually hear it sloshing around!

I realize I must drive carefully to avoid pee. on. my. groceries. Nice.

Minivans. Potties in the backs of cars. Mom.

I made it home, only to get pee all over my hand and shoes as I am taking it through the garage.

Just another day in paradise.

~ Just this mom.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Dinosaurs and little boys

I so was NOT a SciFi geek growing up, unless you count Star Trek and for the sake of this conversation, it's not included.

I was sick on Saturday and had very little energy. This usually means a day of the boys playing together and watching tv with me, intermittently.

I stumbled on a series, 1 - 3 all in a row, in the SciFi channel.

We all laid on the couch with our pillows and blankets and watch them. After the first, I recorded the other two so we could watch without commercials. and. they. LOVE IT!

The people and the dinosaurs living together in harmony. The fantastic costumes and flying Terranadons. They even reenact scenes...

Jamie: Take my hand! You CAN DO IT!
Nathan: I CAN'T!

The switch off, each being the one to help the other cross from the couch to the ottoman. The scene is between two of the characters but they are actually acting it out!

I was so excited, I went on eBay and ordered the original big color book (apparently goes for as high as $250) and several of the children's books. The artwork has a bit of a cult following.

I can't wait to read the books to the boys and it makes me wonder what they will be like when they are 2nd or 3rd grade with their little sci-fi books. I can only imagine the books they will introduce me to and for that I am so excited to be a mom of boys.

Maybe I will go to one of those crazy conventions!

If you get a chance, take a Sci-fi moment, and enjoy a little series called Dinotopia or escape into another Sci-Fi fantasy. I highly recommed it.

~ Visitor to Dinotopia Mama

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Mom, Wife, Me.

As a mom, you feel such a responsibility to take care of and protect your children. I have learned what sacrifice means and I know how it is to put your children's needs and desires in front of your own.

In the beginning when my health was not good and body was wracked in pain, I still tried to nurse my children. I did things that were important to them and their growth. The same is true today and every day of my life. Forever and ever.

There is something deep inside you that pulls at you that drives you to comfort and care and love your children. I have never known anything like it and it has had a profound effect on me.

So it is with mixed emotions that I say that one of my best friends and I are headed for a mommy-vacation. No husbands and no kids. We are headed to a spa and will be relaxing and gossiping and dreaming and sharing ideas for two whole days.

I am so excited about being a woman. A girl. Laughing about our lives, sharing tears over our sorrow and challenges and all that we have been through as friends. This was her idea and it took me a year to do it. A YEAR! That is my life. And partly, my reluctance because I didn't feel it was appropriate to get away for a few days.

But the boys are three now. We have Karen and family support and Mike is amazing with the boys.

SEE THIS MIKE? I KNOW how excellent you are and much they adore you. And how deeply connected you are to them. You defy society's stereotype dad and really take on so much more than the traditional father duties. You are their father and friend and mentor and oh, so special. SEE? I KNOW IT!

And while my heart is tugging at me and making me feel like I am doing something frivolous and selfish, the woman in me is yelling - "Stephanie, it's time!"

I do know it. It's time. Let the people around you help you. Let your husband help you. Do something just for you. And I know when I get back, I will feel rested and rejuvenated.

Being a Mom is more...more than I knew or imagined it would be. I love my little boys so much and being around them is a great joy. But I know that I am also a woman and a wife. And while we have had our husband and wife vacation - it's time for me to step out on my own and remember who I was before I was a mom. She is somewhere in there, I just know it.

~ Stephanie

Saturday, July 26, 2008

I find that after becoming a mother, my eyes immediately focus in on news stories regarding children. And there are some days...that it is deeply depressing and I can't bring myself to look at the news for several days. I am overwhelmed by the number of children injured or killed at the hands of a parent or close relative.

Well I. AM. LIVID.

The recent story on the missing little girl, Caylee Anthony - fuming!

Both the mother and grandmother are lying to the police and withholding information - by their own admission!
* The daughter is telling police that there are only some things she can tell them and she will be honest about those things.
* The grandmother received a TIP on her grandaughters whereabouts but the grandmother doesn't have time to check the answering machine all the time.

All the while, time is slipping away.

As a mother, you put your child in front of your own life. Mothers that I know would never choose their own life over that of their child. So then why would Casey Anthony not call authorities after her child had been missing for a month? The grandmother says that the woman that took Caylee has something on Casey. What?

A Mother, in her right mind, would put the child's safety first and let her own chips fall where they lie. Even if it meant jail or death. Sorry if you disagree but this woman, this "mother" either killed her daughter or values her own safety above her daughters.

Either way, she is no mother, does not deserve custody and should remain in jail.

I read a recent article today and even more is coming out in recorded 911 and jailhouse conversations. Unfortunately all this press is making me ill because the police don't seem to be any closer to finding her - that is, if they are putting it in the paper.

At the end, both women, mother and grandmother will find themselves in horrible positions. They will each lose a child - and each - had the opportunity to prevent this from happening.

Until then, I am hoping that this crazy Mother turned her daughter Caylee over to someone who actually cared enough to get her away from her mother and that she is safe - away from these horrible people.

~ Deeply sad

Friday, July 25, 2008

Mojo recouperation

She caught me.

She saw me do it but I wasn't embarrassed. Not one bit.

She saw my impression of Molly Shannon hit her cheerleader pose and yell "SuperStar!" except that I yelled "I juuust made SIX Meals!

It was like stress melted right off of me. All those days spent stressing about menus and ingredients and cooking and just losing my whole love of cooking...I mourned my cooking mojo.

But there is more than one way to slice an onion!

One day while getting my hair cut and complaining about the whole process of dinner, my hair dresser reminded me of the Dinner A'Fare across the street. We talked about it and I went home to find time in my schedule.

Can you believe, it actually took me 6 weeks to put it into my schedule? That's my life.

I had Karen coming over, I had set up my account, selected my meals and I was good to go.

They ask you to bring a cooler or a laundry basket to carry out the food. I left home not wanting to be late and headed out to cook my meals.

Fresh foods and good recipes all for me to cook in a short period of time and without the planning and research and time in the kitchen. It was the recipe finding and shopping I dreaded the most and Dinner A'Fare took that completely off my plate.

I arrived and I was the only one there. At first I was kind of...lonely. They, I realized I could talk to myself and people wouldn't think I was crazy. I had six meals and each took about 15 minutes to make. I learned that making egg rolls is embarrassingly easy. I realized how expensive it would have been for me to make the pasta primavera. It was nice and relatively quiet - lots of music. No one tugging on my pants, pulling them down and mooning a child while I chopped onion. No searching online, in magazines or in my cookbooks. FANTASTIC!

When I finished, I realized that in roughly 90 minutes, I created 6 different meals that I knew would work well with Mike and me and several the boys would eat. I could focus on my family, no more stressing about food - I had healthy choices. Just superb. I felt calm and rejuvenated and in a small way, my mojo made a move in the positive direction. I might be healing. I WILL be coming back. Soon. (If you register within 24 hours you get an extra meal!)

Hey YOU and YOU! And you baking that frozen lasagna..."I just made 6 meals!!!"

~ Superstar Mom

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Laugh till we cry

I had such a wonderful time with the boys this week. Mike was out of town and it was just me and the boys.

I am growing more confident in taking the boys with me on errands. This weekend the errand was for Play-doh. We only had these tiny little containers that you could hardly build anything out of.

Sunday Morning I laid out something to cover the table and handed each one his own cup of Play-doh. We also had an assortment of cookie cutter shapes, rolling pins, special Play-doh scissors and this little garlic-press type thing that made "hair".

After they had been sitting for 30 minutes, I grabbed my own cup and sat down to play with them. We cut out stars and diamonds. We made cut-outs of seahorses, penguins and sharks. I was very careful not to mix colors. Yes, the control freak comes out in me at Play-doh time. I had yellow, Jamie had green and Nathan had blue.

I made a little girl out of clay with long hair and a "dancing" dress per Jamie's request. Then Jamie wanted me to make a little Jamie - boy for him. He promptly squashed it. I made sure that his green boy didn't touch my yellow girl.

I started making things and saying, "what's this?" Jamie guessed quickly each time.

The last thing I made was a bunny. I crafted a lower quarters. Created the head. Made some floppy ears. And Jamie jumped in.

"Bunny needs a back pack"

I responded all adult-like, "No it doesn't (laugh laugh laugh) that's where the tail goes". I moved his hand away.

"No, he needs a BACKPACK!"

"No, (more and more laughter from me). Look! Here's his tail! His eyes!"

I am now laughing so hard that I am crying. In and of itself, this is not a humorous conversation. Unless of course you are me. Sitting at the table with your charming son Jamie. And he is one of the great loves of your life. And I cannot stop laughing. And the boys say, "Mommy don't cry!" and I tell them that I am laughing and sometimes when I laugh, I cry.

And not like I hadn't known it before but these were tears of great joy and great love. And I was more than just a little overwhelmed at how much I loved him, loved them both and how happy I was in my life.

Shortly after, we picked up the Play-doh, the little rabbit is all smooshed up and back in the yellow cup. And you should know, that after that, I let them smoosh up the colors all they wanted.

And the green and blue looked lovely together.

~ Blissful Mama